We are doing good so far and by that I mean he eats and sleeps and I take my pain meds while I slip in and out of the post-baby crazies. Every mommy knows that this is not something to look forward to, and just like each pregnancy being different so is the emotional impact it leaves. I remember with Lindzie I would cry because I couldn't pee without the bathroom sink running. Sean made me cry because he was crying in the middle of the night and woke up Aaron. I didn't have baby blues with Justin at all and I wanted that again with Mason, but no such luck. I know with me that I will freak out more if I have had little or no sleep and I have had very little sleep. It started with me reacting in a very itchy way to the morphine, it was prity bad, have you ever seen a hamster clean it's face? That's what I was doing except it was all over.
So for about 24 hours I didn't have that under control, add in the pain that wasn't under control and baby comming in every time I did try to sleep and I was very deprived. It was Wednesday when the crazy feelings started, I had just sent Mason back to the nursery after breakfast and was thinking how I loved how little he was and that he needed me and how cool it is that he came out of my body when I realized that I had decided to have my tubes tied and I would never have this experience again so I start crying and crying and about an hour latter my nurse come to check on me and I'm still crying and blubbering about how I made a horrible mistake and that I need to have it fixed, I need to talk to my doctor and have him reverse it before its too late. Well it was already too late. My nurse demanded I sleep, she made sure all my pain meds were current, strong, and that I had some good old Benadryl for the itching (nothing puts me out like Benadryl) and she put a do not disturbed sign on my door so I couldn't have visitors. It was like time- out until I could act normal.
I really did need it, and after sleeping until noon-ish I was acting and feeling a lot better. But aparently I'm going to do this in episodes because after we got home I freaked out again. This time I had just changed the baby and he had gotten some poop on his clothes so I'm trying to get him changed, my 9 yr old daughter is trying to be a very good helper and my boys are trying to kill each other over a balloon. I get Mason changed hand him off to his daddy so I can get some Shout on the clothes and get them in the washer before we get stains and my father in law asked if my milk has come in, then I turned into an animal looking for a kill.
I snapped, said some things in an unkind way grabbed my baby and went to my room instructing Aaron to finish the laundry. In my room I cry for another 20 or so minutes about how I don't want to be crazy and I wish this was over then Aaron makes me get in bed makes sure my pain meds are current and strong and gives me my baby and tells me to sleep, again with the time- out!
